Week Notes: Vol. 2 – № 13

Talk to her

Three months after my mom died, I met Aaron Draplin.

He was the opening keynote speaker at The Smashing Conference in San Francisco. The title of his talk: “How Being a Graphic Designer Helped Me Through Stuff.”

During his presentation, Aaron was engaging, witty, and vulnerable. What started as a salute to design turned into a story about how he leaned into creativity to overcome grief.

Aaron talked about how design helped him through the loss of his beloved Dachshund, Gary, and how he uses design to celebrate and bond with his nephew.

He ended on how he lost his dad and how he memorialized him through design.

You can find a version of this presentation on YouTube.

A few hours later during the first break, I thanked him in the lobby of the Palace of Fine Arts. I thanked him for being open and honest about feeling compelled to honor his dad in his own way.

I told him that I’d recently lost my mom, and I won’t forget his advice for coping with such a heavy loss: “talk to her.”

Aaron shared how he talks to his dad – even still after he’d be gone for years. It helps him stay connected.

He was kind enough to take a picture with me and my coworkers, wrapping us in a big bear hug. Whenever I look at it, I remember what he said.

It took me a while to try it. The first time was later that spring after the ground had thawed and the tombstone could finally be installed.

I went to the gravesite by myself, as I often do. Like a scene from a movie, I just talked to her like we were on the phone.

I don’t talk to her as much nowadays. But I’m also not good about staying in touch with my family and friends still living either.

My mom would have turned 67 this week.

In the past, to celebrate, we would go to my mom’s favorite restaurant, Texas Roadhouse, then have pink champagne cake, my mom’s favorite dessert.

Sometimes it feels like she’s been gone for years. Some days, it feels much more recent.

I’ve found myself talking about my mom more this year than I would’ve before. But it also seems like her presence keeps showing up through others.

Maybe that’s been her way of talking back.