Week Notes: Vol. 2 – № 6

From child to caregiver

Nobody tells you about the day your parents become your responsibility. I had to learn what it meant to be a caretaker well before I had kids.

In the fall of 2017, my mom lived in a nursing home. She was frail and feeble. I remember the first time I needed to help her use the bathroom.

Not just slowly walk her to the bathroom. Help her out of her chair, get her to the toilet, pull down her pants, clean up, and get her back to her seat.

Midway through, it hit me: Our roles had permanently switched. I wasn’t a child anymore. I was now responsible for her care.

Not yet 30, I had become part of the sandwich generation, though the term wouldn’t go mainstream until years later.

A few days earlier, the nurses taught me about a gait belt, a literal belt that goes around someone’s waist to prevent them from falling when caregivers help people move around.

I bought one myself to keep in her room, knowing the staff had so much going on already. I couldn’t rely on someone else to help out every time she needed it.

Admittedly, helping my mom use the bathroom was a bit awkward. But it also felt ordinary and enormous — something you don’t prepare for, but somehow you know is coming.

She passed a few months later. But it's only now that I have kids, I recognize that caring for my mom didn’t feel as natural as caring for children.

But there wasn’t time to overthink it. It wasn’t a moment of fearlessness or tragedy – just necessary.

FYI: November is National Family Caregivers Month. If you know someone caring for a sibling, friend, or aging parent, know that small gestures can make a difference.